Caring for One Another: 8 Ways to Cultivate Meaningful Relationships
By Edward T. Welch
Lesson 2
Move toward Others
God takes the initiative and moves toward us; we take the initiative toward others. This is simple teaching with endless applications.
The Lord God always makes the first move.
For thus says the Lord God: Behold, I, I myself will search for my sheep and will seek them out. (Ezek. 34:11)
This section of Ezekiel is about God’s people who have both left their true Shepherd and been abused by their leaders. Though the sheep show no inkling of turning back to the Lord, he seeks the lost, brings back the strays, and binds up the injured (vv. 11–24). His mercy and compassion lead the way.
The story has so many variations. Think of Hosea’s persistent but quiet and even anonymous pursuit and care for his wayward wife. He did this as a way to illustrate God’s relentless love. Think of Jesus and how he took the least-traveled route to get to one outcast Samaritan woman (John 4). Remember when he talked about his pursuit of that one lost sheep (Luke 15:4–6). He takes the initiative, especially toward those in need, even if it is just one.
Kings receive people. They consent to give you a fiveminute audience, then off you go. Kings do not show up at your home or go out of their way to help you. But everything changes when King Jesus comes. This King leaves the palace precincts and finds you.
Jesus Pursues Us, We Pursue Each Other
All the biblical stories of the Lord moving toward people are stories of grace. Grace is God’s moving toward us in Christ. He pursued us not because we called out so well and took the first step of self-reformation. We were simply sick and needed him. Or worse, we were enemies who were not inclined to surrender.
He says “I love you” first, even when we respond with an indifferent shrug or the equivalent of a passing, “Oh, thanks.” And in this we discover why it might be hard for us to move toward others: the one taking the initiative in the relationship—the one who loves most—is the one who risks humiliation. But imagine this. You believe that Jesus pursues you. You are letting go of old lies that suggest he doesn’t care and that you are forgotten. Because of Jesus, you no longer look for the easiest person to talk to when people gather. Instead, you move toward the quieter ones, the new person, and the outliers. Imagine a group of people who move toward each other—active more than passive, loving more than fearing rejection. They look glorious; they attract the world. This is an example of what the apostle Paul calls putting on Christ and is evidence of the Spirit of Christ at work in us.
As you envision how to grow in moving toward others, think of those who have known hardships in their lives. For example, a man once shared with a small group that his past year had been the most difficult of his life. In response, no one said a word. No one ever approached him. No one asked, “Please, tell me more. How are you now? How can I pray for you?” Not one. It is no surprise that he kept to himself for the next ten years.
Too often we are silent when we know of someone’s trouble. Silence is the same as turning away.
Jesus Listens, We Listen
So we move toward others. The extroverts among us seem to make it look easy. The more shy might be intimidated by the potential awkwardness or silence. But loving pursuit is neither easy nor natural to anyone. All of us need both humility and help from Scripture in order to navigate the early stages of a helpful conversation. Those initial steps might look like this:
The Lord calls us family, so we greet warmly.
The Lord knows our name, so we learn someone’s name.
The Lord knows seemingly irrelevant details about us, such as the number of hairs on our heads, so we take an interest in details. Is the person new to your gathering? Where does he or she live? Who does she live with? Does she work, go to school, manage a home?
What we hear might surprise us. After all, most people are not often asked about themselves, so we might hear much more than basic information. We might hear about events worth celebrating; we might hear of personal hardships.
The good and pleasant events might be a job completed well or a new relationship. But they also include a deeper good such as when we see something of the character of God in another—in the way he or she loves family and friends, serves, cares, or perseveres in trouble.
And there will be nonstop trouble, such as personal health struggles and those of family and friends, injustices at work, or broken relationships.
In response, we listen. This means we are undistracted, engaged, and affected by what they say. We share, in some small way, the delights of the good things and the burdens of the hard things. The script for eliciting these important matters can get fuzzy, and there will be more on that next, but we know this: there is always more to know.
The purpose in a man’s heart is like deep water, but a man of understanding will draw it out. (Prov. 20:5)
We hope to be that person of understanding. This can happen only if we pursue others as we have been pursued by Jesus.
Lesson 1
With All Humility
Our helpfulness—our care for souls—starts with our need for care. We need God, and we need other people. Maturity through dependence is our goal. As a way to put this humility to the test, we ask for prayer. This will contribute to a church culture that is less selfprotective and more united.
Imagine—an interconnected group of people who entrust themselves to each other. You can speak of your pain, and someone responds with compassion and prayer. You can speak of your joys, and someone shares in them with you. You can even ask for help with sinful struggles, and someone prays with you, offers hope and encouragement from Scripture, and sticks with you until sin no longer seems to have the upper hand. There is openness, freedom, friendship, bearing burdens together, and giving and receiving wisdom. No trite responses. And Jesus is throughout it all.
We want more of this.
As we come to Jesus, he has forgiven and washed us so that we can speak openly without shame, he has loved us so that we can love him and others freely, and he has given us wisdom and power from his Spirit so that we can help each other in ways that build up and give hope. In his honor and in his strength we want to grow into a wonderfully interdependent, wise, loving body of Christ—one in which we can help each other in times of trouble.
The Apostle Paul Makes Humility a Priority
In Ephesians 3, Paul actually prayed that we would be this kind of community (vv. 14–21). He also taught us how to do it:
I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. (Eph. 4:1–3)
Augustine wrote, “That first way [to truth] is humility; the second way is humility, and the third way is humility.”1 If humility does not precede our wisdom and help, our efforts are meaningless. Paul, it seems, would agree. Life in Christ starts with humility.
Humility simply acknowledges our many sins and limitations, and it responds with, “I need Jesus, and I need other people.” It is an attractive package that includes trust in God’s control, confidence in the Lord’s forgiveness and love, and an openness that comes not from having to be someone but from resting in Jesus. It turns out that the simple acknowledgment of our neediness and weakness opens a door to the grace of God where we find confidence, peace, security, wisdom, strength, and freedom in him.
Humility Leads to Prayer
One way to put humility to work is this: ask someone to pray for you. God has established his kingdom on earth in such a way that we must ask for help. We ask the Lord for help, and we ask other people. Until we see him faceto- face, God works through his Spirit and his people.
It only sounds simple. It is one thing to ask the Lord for help. Even if our faith is especially weak, we have heard that he invites and hears our cries for help (Ps. 62:8), and we are willing to risk a little openness before him. It is something much different to ask a friend. Our pride resists being vulnerable. Even more, if you have ever confided in someone and received comments that were hurtful or less than supportive, you might have decided on the spot never to let that happen again, which means that you keep your troubles to yourself. This selfprotective strategy might seem effective in the short run. It is not, however, how God created us to be with each other, so it will eventually lead to misery rather than safety. We opt instead for a better way. The process of asking for prayer is outlined below.
Identify Trouble in Your Life
Trouble is always knocking at the door. The list of troubles usually includes money, work, relationships, health, and matters specifically connected to our knowledge of Jesus and how to live for and with him.Connect a Particular Trouble with Scripture
When you connect your troubles with Scripture, you are joining your life to the promises, graces, and commands of God. It takes time to develop this skill because there is so much Scripture, but you probably have the gist of what God says:“Sometimes I find it hard to even pray for difficult things in my life. Would you pray that I know— deeply, in my heart—that God cares and invites me to pour out my heart to him?” (Ps. 62:8)
“I have been sick for a while and can get so discouraged. Could you pray that I would be able to turn quickly to Jesus when I feel especially miserable?” (2 Cor. 4:16–18)
“I have been snippy with my spouse over the last few weeks. Could you pray that I live with humility and gentleness as we try to talk about difficult things together?” (Eph. 4:1)
“I have been so frustrated with my daughter to the point where I want respect more than I want to be patient and show kindness to her. Could you pray for me?” (1 Cor. 13:4)
“My department manager has been critical and gruff recently. I don’t know how to even think about this. Do you have any ideas on how I could pray?” (Rom. 12:18)
If you don’t know how to pray, ask others to help you make the connections between your needs and God’s Word.
It is God’s will that we say “help” both to him and to others. As we do, we will take an important step toward being able to help others, since needy, humble helpers are the best helpers. And along the way, we will bless our community and induce others toward being needy, open, and vulnerable.